![]() “By not being aware of having a shadow, you declare a part of your personality to be non-existent. Pretending they don’t exists brings them out more than we’d like, and it ways that we won’t even notice. We have sides to our existence which we don’t like, but denying them only makes them stronger. Refer to the quote at the beginning of this blog post again. Dichotomy of this nature is built right into the structures of reality. ![]() Pretending that we don’t have a shadow is a futile. “If it can be destroyed by truth, it deserves to be destroyed by the truth.” Carl Sagan (1934-1996) Understanding why we need to sacrifice gives our pain meaning which can pull us through any challenge. Senselessness is painful for anyone at any age. Whenever I’m working with students, I notice that many of the students let their guard down and let go of their resistance to learning when they understand why they must sacrifice. Refusing to question codes risks propagating conduct which breed pathology. Questioning codes of conduct does not make us deviant, but strengthens compliance of codes if an answer can be found. True freedom, and a healthy relationship with ourselves, starts with questioning the codes of socialization and morality that we’ve been indoctrinated into. This creates an undeniable authenticity that others can intuitively pick up on. Integrating the shadow is not trying to become “ evil“, but it is detaching ourselves from the evil within us, so we can be free to find the parts of ourselves lost in the shadow. We discover the alarming amounts of hypocrisy, complacency, and fear which our moral scaffoldings and state are founded on. It’s hard to see the parts of ourselves which conflict with society and our loved ones. When we first look for the shadow we will find ourselves in a moral dilemma. ![]() In order to grapple with our shadow, we first have to see it in ourselves. Getting a hold of this side of ourselves is a difficult task. Wrestling with the Shadow – Big thanks to Academy of Ideas This repression creates a world of problems for them in the adult world as well as their personal psyche. Good children tend to repress their own thoughts and feelings in order to please other people. I talk more about this in the context of children who always try to be good in this post. We become something much stronger and more formidable. When we combine all these sides of ourselves, we become more than just the combination of all those sides. We must learn to wrestle with the monster within, integrate it into our personality, and use it when necessary. If we let it go completely, we create heinous suffering and destroy the good around us. If we ignore and repress this monster, it will come out in ways we don’t intend. The shadow sides contain a monster capable of immense destruction. However, we can learn to contend with the monsters if we learn how to be at one with ourselves. ![]() We believe the world must be an evil, unforgiving, and cold place to have monsters everywhere. As we get older, we see that the monsters are real and aren’t going anywhere. When we’re children, we’re afraid of monsters and wished they didn’t exist. Peterson (12 Rules for Life: An Antidote to Chaos) “And if you think tough men are dangerous, wait until you see what weak men are capable of.” Jordan B. We may live in an illusion of harmony, but this harmony is at the expense of our psychological integrity. This widespread belief comes from people being constantly ridiculed by friends and family if they were to express these traits. This shadow side within ourselves that are rejected, ignored, and avoided are usually deemed “ bad” or “ immoral” by the rest of society. These ugly sides of ourselves are what Jung referred to as the shadow side. Harnessing the power of and willingly confronting these less than perfect sides of ourselves gives us the ability to deal with chaos when it comes. I talk a little bit about the uglier sides of ourselves in my post The Relationship with Ourselves (Part 2). When we combine the sides of ourselves which are responsible for creation with the sides which are capable of destruction, we create something bigger than the sum of those parts. The path to wholeness is through integrating the sides of ourselves which are rejected, ignored, and avoided. The incredibly intelligent and renown Swiss psychiatrist, Carl Jung, urged that people strive for wholeness rather than perfection. It always has been, and always will be.” Carl Jung (Approaching the Unconscious) The Gestalt Reality We are not even sure that one will prevail over the other, that good will overcome evil, or joy defeat pain. “The sad truth is that man’s real life consists of a complex of inexorable opposites – day and night, birth and death, happiness and misery, good and evil.
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